'Twas I, but 'Tis Not I

As a therapist one of the main worries/concerns I have is trying to help people change.  Whether those changes be emotional or behavioral, I am constantly striving to help people help themselves and change the way they think, feel, and act.  Often this becomes an incredibly frustrating and at times saddening prospect as I learn to accept the reality that ultimately people change what they want to change.  In this I do not include those who cannot change genetics or physical limitations that are simply unchangeable, but rather am lamenting the plight of those who can make changes, but for myriad reasons choose not to. 

As I have continued to struggle with this reality over the past 10 years and am constantly on the look out for messages of hope that help me maintain my sanity as I walk the therapy path with individuals who are not ready to change.  Recently I heard one of these messages.

It comes from a play by Shakespeare.  While I don’t typically read a lot of Shakespeare (frankly he is a bit over my head) I nevertheless have garnered many great quotes from his works.  One of my favorites comes from the play “As You Like It.”  In the play an older brother named Oliver “frequently contrived to kill” his younger brother but to no avail.  Despite his efforts to kill his younger brother, later in his own life in a desperate situation, Oliver was rescued by his younger brother despite his frequent efforts to bring about his demise.  Upon learning of his younger brother’s efforts to save his life, Oliver makes a dramatic change for good.  Later, Oliver is asked by an individual if he was the man who so frequently tried to kill his younger brother.  Oliver replied, “Twas I, but ‘tis not I.  I do not shame to tell you what I was, since my conversion so sweetly tastes, being the thing I am.”

“Twas I, but ‘tis not I” has been an idea that has helped me find hope during the tough times with my clients; especially when they are struggling against making positive choices.  Change truly is a choice, and sometimes it is in the face of extreme peril and adversity, much like in the case of Oliver when he nearly died but was rescued by his younger brother, individuals finally make the changes they need to make for good. 

I hope for my clients, and for myself, that each of us can in our own way look back on our mistakes and say, ‘Twas I, but ‘tis not I.

Krys Oyler, LCSW