Bullying is a common term that we hear now, and as common as
the term is, Bullying is also that common.
There are many forms of bullying that we see in our society that
negatively affect individuals, groups, etc.
I remember watching the karate kid when I was a kid. There were great lessons in this movie and
very vivid examples of bullying. Daniel
had to learn how to handle a bully in a proper way. At some points in the movie he chose tactics
of getting even, which only escalated the abuse, making things for him
worse. Ultimately Mr. Miyagi enters
Daniel into a contest where he can “battle the bully” in an appropriate
way. Because this other option was
available and used, Daniel gained the respect of the bully and the dynamics of
the relationship changed.
So one might ask what is classified as Bullying? Bullying is any repeated aggressive behavior
that can be physical, verbal, or relational.
All of these types of bullying are emotional for the victim of the
situation. Boys frequently bully using
physical threats and actions, while girls are more likely to engage in verbal
or relationship bullying. Both types
have similar effects on an individual.
Since bullying is often a learned behavior that comes from
the experiences that an individual has at home or even outside of the home, it
can become a negative pattern that an individual develops. Research shows numerous ways that individuals
learn aggressive behavior, including seeing a parent or siblings examples, peer
examples, playing violent video games, watching certain TV programs, observing
conflict between others, etc. These
things numb our senses to how our actions affect others. It becomes easier to bully others and not
feel any remorse for one’s actions.
In society it has even become acceptable to verbally abuse
another person. I was walking through a
Costco one day and observed an interaction between two men. One man was much older and had his little
granddaughter by his side. He was
pushing a large cart with a piece of furniture on it. As he pushed this cart up to the front of the
store to check out, another man walked in front of the cart and got his foot
ran over by one of the wheels.
Immediately this man began to yell and swear at the grandfather and
threaten to beat him up. What a pathetic
scene this was to watch as a grown man was unable to control his reaction to
this accident (especially since he was at fault) and become aggressive with an
older man with his granddaughter in the middle of a store.
Bullying is prevalent in schools, work environments, at the
store, and throughout society. Bullying
greatly affects the victim, who at times may even choose the extreme option to
end their life. They may get to the
point that they feel as if there is no way out, there is no end to the
bullying, and the only safe place is not being alive. This has become more common and easily seen
as we watch the current events in the world.
It is essential to work with our youth by first being great
examples for them. If we can learn to
have good self control and teach this to our youth, we will already be a step
in the right direction. As our society
becomes more violent with what is portrayed on TV, video games, etc., we as
parents, examples, and leaders of our youth should work to better guide them to
be involved in the things that are healthy for their developing brains. It is our job to initiate this process. Individuals, groups, and societies have lost
respect and continue to spiral away from this key element in how we treat
ourselves and others.
Remember that our words are very powerful and that the old
saying of “Sticks and Stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me”
couldn’t be more untrue. This is
reflected in the following poem.
It starts with us…what are we willing to do?
Jeffrey Openshaw LMFT
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