The Path We Walk

Often in my work as a therapist I deal with individuals who are struggling with life circumstances that are challenging, to say the least.  In fact, at times it appears that life has truly dealt these individuals a “rotten hand” and however hard we may try, we cannot find any wrong doing on the client’s part that has brought about the turmoil they are facing.  Of course it makes it slightly more palatable when an individual can look at their situation and be somewhat accountable.  They can say, “Yeah, I get it, I kind of brought this on myself.”  Those tough circumstances, although still painful, are lessened somewhat because of an individual’s internal realization that they helped create their life situation.

Regardless, these circumstances and situations, whether self imposed or just the “luck of the draw”, cause tremendous difficulty for those I work with.  When searching for happiness amidst the turmoil I frequently ask myself, “how can this person be happy with this stuff going on in their lives?”  During these times a quote attributed to Martha Washington frequently comes to mind:

 

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” –Martha Washington

This quote provides a lot of comfort for me as well as for my clients.  I have also come to believe that the way we look at a situation has a great deal to do with how we feel about the situation. 

A family living close to me just lost their daughter.  She was four years old and died of Leukemia.  She spent much of her four years suffering through treatments and the tortures of the disease she was forced to bear.  Neither this young girl nor her family had done anything to “bring about” these circumstances.  Yet they were theirs to bear.  They frequently wrote in a blog they shared with those they knew.  In this blog they talked about the blessings in their lives, including the blessings that came as a result of suffering what they suffered.  Of course they would have liked to have their daughter live a full and healthy life, but they found a way to view the situation in a manner that helped them cope with the trauma and find peace and joy amidst terrible circumstances. 

Fear, sadness, and disappointment are a part of every person’s walk through life.  What I hope is that each of us can find a way to view the path we are called upon to walk in such a way as to learn from the experience and find some peace, and maybe even joy, in the walking.

Krys Oyler, LCSW