I recently had a parent lamenting the fact that their son
was “struggling to do what he needed to do.”
As we explored this fact it became clear that the parents had spent much
of their son’s life doing for him what he
probably should have had some experience doing for himself. We spent some time discussing this and how
parents’ desire to help in some ways hindered their son’s progress,
specifically his independence. It
reminded me of a story I shared with them.
Below is that story. It is good
to think about as we walk the difficult path of having a struggling teenager.
“Bringing a giraffe
into the world is a tall order. A baby giraffe falls 10 feet from its mother's
womb and usually lands on its back. Within seconds it rolls over and tucks its
legs under its body. From this position it considers the world for the first
time and shakes off the last vestiges of the birthing fluid from its eyes and
ears. Then the mother giraffe rudely introduces its offspring to the reality of
life.
In his book, A View from the Zoo, Gary Richmond describes how a newborn giraffe learns its first lesson.
The mother giraffe lowers her head long enough to take a quick look. Then she positions herself directly over her calf. She waits for about a minute, and then she does the most unreasonable thing. She swings her long, pendulous leg outward and kicks her baby, so that it is sent sprawling head over heels.
When it doesn't get up, the violent process is repeated over and over again. The struggle to rise is momentous. As the baby calf grows tired, the mother kicks it again to stimulate its efforts. Finally, the calf stands for the first time on its wobbly legs.
Then the mother giraffe does the most remarkable thing. She kicks it off its feet again. Why? She wants it to remember how it got up. In the wild, baby giraffes must be able to get up as quickly as possible to stay with the herd, where there is safety. Lions, hyenas, leopards, and wild hunting dogs all enjoy young giraffes, and they'd get it too, if the mother didn't teach her calf to get up quickly and get with it.”
In his book, A View from the Zoo, Gary Richmond describes how a newborn giraffe learns its first lesson.
The mother giraffe lowers her head long enough to take a quick look. Then she positions herself directly over her calf. She waits for about a minute, and then she does the most unreasonable thing. She swings her long, pendulous leg outward and kicks her baby, so that it is sent sprawling head over heels.
When it doesn't get up, the violent process is repeated over and over again. The struggle to rise is momentous. As the baby calf grows tired, the mother kicks it again to stimulate its efforts. Finally, the calf stands for the first time on its wobbly legs.
Then the mother giraffe does the most remarkable thing. She kicks it off its feet again. Why? She wants it to remember how it got up. In the wild, baby giraffes must be able to get up as quickly as possible to stay with the herd, where there is safety. Lions, hyenas, leopards, and wild hunting dogs all enjoy young giraffes, and they'd get it too, if the mother didn't teach her calf to get up quickly and get with it.”
Krys Oyler, LCSW
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