Connecting with Your Active Child

Being a reader of this blog, you may not be inclined to label your child an “active child.” You are probably more likely to call them a challenge, a pain in the neck, a frustration, and possibly much worse. There is a chance you have been in such a painful, emotionally-draining time of your life that you have overlooked, forgotten or you just don’t care anymore about the skills, talents and ambitions that your child does posses. Now, I am not here, or qualified, to break down the entire complex skill set of your child and give you advice on how to appreciate, foster and enhance it. But, I would like to give you some advice on a part of your child’s life that you may not be familiar with, or if you are, some advice on how to become a part of that life even if you don’t want to be.

While your child has been away in treatment, perhaps having been through a wilderness program as well as a residential program, they have likely been introduced to many new activities and environments they didn’t even know existed. Most programs have some form of recreation program focusing on new skills and experiences that provide the child with several self-improvement opportunities. While not every child enjoys every opportunity given, I have seen the vast majority of them find excitement and enjoyment in some form of recreation we have presented to them. Your child returning home to your care is a stressful time to reconnect, build back trust, establish new roles and find ways to build a positive relationship. Capitalizing on new interests and hobbies your child may have gained in their time at treatment is a great way to help both parties find common ground for the rebuilding process.

 

• My first recommendation is to be receptive to their new hobby or interest. You may not have any interest in skiing, whitewater rafting or disc golf, but if whatever activity they cling to is a healthy outlet for stress, an avenue for building self confidence and positive peer relations, and a reliable source of responsibility, encourage it!
• Second, familiarize yourself with the activity or sport. Find out what equipment is necessary, the desired locations, the associated costs and most importantly where you, and your child, can find out more information about said activity. 
• This next tip can be challenging, but you need to find a way to participate in the activity. If by some stretch you can physically participate, get some gear, take a few lessons, watch a bunch of videos to try and get excited about it, but most importantly, focus on the fact that this may become an essential tool in rebuilding a damaged relationship with your child. Invest your time; you may be rewarded with a love for a new hobby as well. If you can not physically participate, become an active spectator. Ride the ski lift to the top of the hill to watch a ski race, take a vacation with planned trips to all the skate parks in an area you’re visiting, go to movie premiers for the particular activity, be the driver for trips that require vehicle shuttling on long river trips or mountain bike rides, make it a point to have meaningful conversations where you can learn about their growing talent. There will always be thousands of reasons why you don’t want to learn something new or take a risk that you don’t deem worthy, but if you can make a connection with your child through an activity or sport, you may be surprised how that connection grows.
• Another tip that may have you less involved, but still gives your child a chance to grow in their sport, is to help them find activity-related employment. Whether they are still in high school or halfway through college, outdoor-industry employment has many perks for people wanting more outdoor gear and outside time. Options include: outdoor retail shop, bicycle/ski repair shop, youth camps, ski/snowboard instructor, summer river guides, conservation/humanity corps, photographer/writer etc. While this not only gives them access to discounted gear, friendships and knowledge, it also gives them a chance to use their talents to give back to people who share similar interests.

 

Nothing is guaranteed, but I believe we can all agree that when we are actively pursuing goals and ambitions we truly care about, we are in a much healthier place to build lasting relationships and face life’s obstacles. By being involved in your child’s interests you will hopefully be closer to them and be able to help them through tough times and enjoy them at their best during the enjoyable times. 

Mike Bodrero, Adventure Learning


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