Has Life Been Unfair to You?

As a therapist I am frequently confronted with challenging scenarios in peoples’ lives that give me pause.  This past week I had a situation that not only caught me off guard, but taught me something profoundly important that I hope to remember throughout my life as well as during my work with the families I see at Logan River Academy. 

I met with an individual who recounted his life story and as he went through his experience it was apparent that this gentleman had gone through more than his fair share of traumatizing experiences.  It was also clear that many of these experiences appeared to be no fault of his own, rather cruel blows that simply befell him because he was a bit unluckier than someone else.  The story went on and on and I began to feel more and more sorry for this individual who had gone through more than I could fathom.  As he came to the end of his story, I quickly began empathizing and at one point even mentioned, “It seems like life has been a bit unfair at times to you.”  At this point the gentlemen stopped me.  He told me that indeed, many of the issues he felt were not because of choices he had made, but were rather experiences he had to go through to become the man he was.  I was taken back by his response and even felt the need to further emphasize my view that he was somehow unfairly treated.  He however again assured me that while the challenges he faced throughout his life did cause difficulties for him emotionally, he would not trade those experiences because they taught him lessons he couldn’t learn any other way.

As I pondered this, I realized that far too often in our world today we feel the need to have things fair, comfortable, and always “happy.”  However, the two poems below that I often quote, but clearly didn’t understand, came to mind and helped teach me a lesson that I needed to learn.  That challenges are not only a natural part of life, but a necessary one as well.  

I Walked a Mile with Sorrow

I walked a mile with pleasure

And she chattered all the way

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say

I walked a mile with sorrow

And ne'er a word said she

But, Oh, the things I learned from her

When sorrow walked with me.

Good Timber

Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

The further sky, the greater length,

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

--Douglas Malloch 

Krys Oyler, LCSW

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