Connecting with Your Active Child

Being a reader of this blog, you may not be inclined to label your child an “active child.” You are probably more likely to call them a challenge, a pain in the neck, a frustration, and possibly much worse. There is a chance you have been in such a painful, emotionally-draining time of your life that you have overlooked, forgotten or you just don’t care anymore about the skills, talents and ambitions that your child does posses. Now, I am not here, or qualified, to break down the entire complex skill set of your child and give you advice on how to appreciate, foster and enhance it. But, I would like to give you some advice on a part of your child’s life that you may not be familiar with, or if you are, some advice on how to become a part of that life even if you don’t want to be.

While your child has been away in treatment, perhaps having been through a wilderness program as well as a residential program, they have likely been introduced to many new activities and environments they didn’t even know existed. Most programs have some form of recreation program focusing on new skills and experiences that provide the child with several self-improvement opportunities. While not every child enjoys every opportunity given, I have seen the vast majority of them find excitement and enjoyment in some form of recreation we have presented to them. Your child returning home to your care is a stressful time to reconnect, build back trust, establish new roles and find ways to build a positive relationship. Capitalizing on new interests and hobbies your child may have gained in their time at treatment is a great way to help both parties find common ground for the rebuilding process.

20 Things I Want My Kids to Know

I have four children.  The oldest two are daughters, ages 16 and 14.  The youngest two are sons, ages 9 and 6.  Sometimes they all cause me to think to myself "What in the world am I doing?"  Some days feel like wonderful successes.  Other days feel like miserable failures.  I had one of those "miserable failure" days the other day.  It just seemed like nothing went right.  I found myself wondering about and questioning what I was teaching my kids, how effective (or ineffective) I was in doing so, whether they were learning anything, etc.  Later that night as I lay in bed, I finally caught my breath and had a chance to decompress.  I reminded myself that parenting is full of thousands and thousands of small moments.  Some of them go well and some of them don't go so well.  I also reminded myself that the goal is for more of those moments over time to be of the positive variety.  If that's the case, then my relationship with my children will be more positive and the things that I'm trying to teach them will hopefully sink in.

The events of that day also got me thinking about what exactly it was I was trying to teach my children with the issues that had come up (honesty, work ethic, responsibility, etc.).  It reminded me of this little list that I used to read periodically.  I would ask myself if I was doing the things in my own life that would teach my children the lessons on that list.  That day has caused me to pull that list out and review it again.  It made be feel a little more determined to be a better example to them, increase the number of positive interactions I was having with them, and hope that some of these life lessons will stick with them.  Following is the list of things that I want my kids to know.

Why I'm Not a Barista

I have worked the better part of 16 years in child and adolescent day and residential treatment. One feature of being a therapist working with teenagers for so long is that other people are flabbergasted and/or impressed that anybody would want my job, let alone enjoy it.  Most people seem satisfied with the casual reassurance that there are a lot of good things about it or that teenagers really aren’t as bad as they sound.  But sometimes, I run into somebody who’s more curious and they press with the whys and hows that I can’t easily explain.  After several of these encounters over the past months I decided to try to really give their questions some thought.  Why am I still Sarah Hazelton, therapist; not Sarah Hazelton, private chef, or knitting instructor, or raft guide, or (heaven forbid) barista?

Turning Lemons into Lemonade

On October 15, 2011 my wife, Rachel, and I lost our baby who was 5 months along in the 9 month process before being born. Our baby, Johnny, was going to be our fourth and final son. We were busy planning, getting ready, and feeling very excited for the birth of our fourth son. Our other three boys were very excited, especially our youngest because now he would have a little brother.

On October 15, 2011 Rachel and I went in for a scheduled ultrasound. The ultrasound specialist quickly discovered that Johnny was not breathing and had passed away. He sympathetically shared with us that our baby was not alive any longer. Rachel and I were stunned and shocked. This scenario was not something we were expecting or had even considered.

Introducing Ivy

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce the newest member of the Logan River Academy team, Ivy.  Ivy is a Labradoodle, a mix between a Labrador Retriever and a Poodle, and we adopted her from a nearby family that could no longer care for her.  Ivy has made an immediate impact on the students that we work with, and her ability connect with them has been amazing to see.  Ivy will typically spend her days in the clinical area, and at times in the school hall.  With Ivy’s breed in particular come the positive traits of being friendly and outgoing, as well as hypoallergenic.  

I personally have always felt a strong connection to dogs, and as I grew up, I knew that I could also find comfort in spending time with my childhood dogs.  It was a natural way for me to calm down and be soothed, without really knowing why or how.  We now know that people benefit from interacting with dogs.  Simply petting a dog can decrease levels of stress hormones, regulate breathing, and lower blood pressure. Research also has shown that petting releases oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and affection, in both the dog and the human. (Geographic)  This was evidenced this morning as I had Ivy in my Anger Management group.  One student in particular appeared to be withdrawn, sullen, and down.  Ivy made her way to him multiple times and each time, he sat up, pet Ivy, and his countenance became much brighter.   

If your child enjoys dogs, feel free to take the time to ask about Ivy and their interactions with her.  We feel that she will greatly benefit our students, and add a friendly and therapeutic component to our school. 

Sean Maynard, CMHC

Works Cited

Geographic, N. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2012/12/121221-comfort-dogs-newtown-tragedy-animal-therapy/

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What Mindfulness Really Means

A lot of the phase work that we give our students in the girls’ program, Maple Rise, is centered on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This was developed to help people who have a really hard time regulating emotions (also known as emotional dysregulation) because they are so complex. Quite often, people with this type of emotional difficulty end up hurting themselves, physically or at the very least, they do things that actually make their lives worse—like turning to drugs or alcohol, shoplifting, gambling, etc. They tend to lead chaotic lives because their emotions are so out of control, which can lead to problems in their relationships. The DBT concepts and skills that we teach are designed to help students lead healthier, less-confusing lives.

​Crafting a Meaningful Life

In all our humanness, I think we occasionally find ourselves asking, "Does my life have meaning?". Sometimes routine can pull us into ruts where we feel entirely unremarkable and struggle to find meaning in what we do. If you ever begin asking the same question, may I suggest an inspiring role mode? 

Maya Angelou was born during the start of the Great Depression. Her childhood was far from glamorous or easy and she faced countless tragedies, but she managed to ultimately have a life of victory and accomplishment. Among many other things, she was a writer, actress, and civil rights activist. Read more about her example of creativity, generosity, and resilience here. 

Photo via.

Here are a few words of wisdom from the inspiring Maya Angelou:

In all my work, I try to say, 'You may be given a load of sour lemons, why not try to make a dozen lemon meringue pies?'

My life has been long, and believing that life loves the liver of it, I have dared to try many things, sometimes trembling, but daring still.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good.

Kayla Geddes

Much good is being done at Logan River Academy.